Seeking Direction

As someone who is usually defined largely by the fact that I am always doing something, I have found a year where I largely do nothing very difficult. I was pretty presumptuous therefore, that most other people would be as desperate for life to get back to normal as I was.

However, it isn’t true. I have talked to a lot of people that have found a year of doing nothing therapeutic. When I talk to my friends who feel this way they explain that in a world where you are constantly compared to others it is nice to no longer feel like others are doing better than you. This has undoubtedly been a tough year for internet influencers.

I've really enjoyed my friends admitting this to me. It has made me reflect a lot on what makes me happy myself, and it is disappointing to realize that I too base a lot of my happiness on how I am doing compared to others. I’m always anxious I will be the last single person left in my friend group, the last to own my home and the last to have a successful career. Whilst I always enjoy my travels and desire to try new things- a part of me is a little too attracted to the fact those adventures might make me come across as interesting.

I want 2020 to be over. It has not been a good year for me. But I want to learn from it as well. I do not want to get back into the world on some random voyage just for the sake of looking cool. I want to emerge from this experience as someone who chases fewer thing but commits fully to them, and who doesn't care if others think that makes me come across as bland.

I have found writing my play to be a great thing to channel my focus on. I love my characters already, even though they are still largely ideas. I want to do their story justice, because I feel like I know them and it is funny how they are helping me know myself too. Somethings are worth sacrificing your full attention too. This feels like it could be meaningful and I am excited to see whether or not I am right.

Kate Barr

Kate is part of the Bunbury Banter Young Playwrights Programme 2019-2020