Be Careful What You Wish For

Under quarantine rule I live a pretty boring, un-notable life. I can get up whenever I want because work never starts until 5, I then watch some youtube, I then check my email to see if the local hospital is ready for me to start work (which they still aren't after almost two months) and then I go to Dominoes where I make pizzas most nights. I can't really complain- life isnt bad, it's just under-stimulating. But the sum of quarantines' mediocre parts adds up to something much more unpleasant. It's dangerous to be under stimulated and lacking socialization. Already I have seen from some of my peers an aggressive increase in anxiety that is threatening to remain long after lockdown. My best friend from Edinburgh has started medication. Disappointing for a young man whos 2020 resolution was “to have more fun”. 

Its also creates a paradoxical position. In January 2020 all I wanted was more free time. In a “be careful what you wish for” move 2020 has offered me an abundance of just that. I have such a big list of things I would like to achieve if only I had the time. I've had a book idea for ages I always planned on getting round too. But as it happens I am far more productive a person in times of urgency: where I am forced to be resourceful with my time because it is a precious resource. I haven't started my book because why does it matter, I can just start it tomorrow. I think a lot of people are lacking motivation right now which adds a feeling of a sense of personnel failure to the already deflated individual.

Sometimes I think about the fact that there are people out there that lived this life long before lockdown began and consequently this global pandemic might not even have been noticed by them if it weren't all over the news. I genuinely cannot let myself ever ponder on this too long as it always ends in me crying. Its just such a cruel reality. 

An essential lesson that must be learned from quarantine (and perhaps the conservative government would be wise to take particular note): being alive offers nothing in of itself- the value of life comes from the chance to truly LIVE. And to be able to live you need opportunities afforded to you. 

I think this is the true role of art. Creativity at its best offers the people who consume it an opportunity to transcend the life we are living and gives us a chance to imagine a life that is possible. The conversations it can start have changed the course of history. What is evident to me is that quarantine would not just have been insufferable without the arts- it would be an exceptionally dangerous experience. And consider how damaging it has already been to so many people. Art acts as a buffer through offering an essential escapism. It also stimulates the under-stimulated. And it has made me laugh and be happy when nothing else in my life right now is doing that. 

I really didn't want to be part of the playwrights programme this month- not because I wanted to quit but just because I did not feel I had energy to do anything. I was really looking for a break. Instead I was encouraged to read up on Douglas Maxwell and to attend a conference call with him, something I did purely because I could not fully justify not doing it. It was such an interesting and important experience for me. By engaging in a conversation that interested me I immediately felt more happy and motivated. That's what art does - it creates meaningful, fulfilling conversations. 

My desire to write a play is quite narrowly focused and so I appreciate I can come across a little repetitive. I want to write a play that resonates with people on societies fringes who do not often get to feel they are listened to. This month of quarantine has enforced that. Some people have gone their whole life feeling very lonely- and that does not have to be a fact of life, it should be considered a societal shame. Especially now, that we as individuals, cannot ignore the reality that not feeling part of a broader society is alienating and depressing. I have so many friends I have agreed to meet up for a pint with after this is all over and for that I am an exceptionally blessed person- but not everyone is like that. One of the ways we can invite people on the suburbs of society into the bustling city is by displaying that their stories are valuable. And I think representative art are one of the biggest ways to achieve that.

Kate Barr

Kate is part of the Bunbury Banter Young Playwrights Programme 2019-2020